Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
50% drunk capacity currently
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
