if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
