ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
