I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
