You're completely useless in the revolution.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
