I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
