I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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