Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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