Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
