My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
