I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
