I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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