Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
