He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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