Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
