it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
