the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
