i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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