Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
