She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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