Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
