Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
50% drunk capacity currently
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
