i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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