Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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