He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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