Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the condom got lost in my hair
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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