We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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