I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize