I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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