he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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