So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
