I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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