I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
