I got her a Nickelback box set.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
