I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
