Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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