I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
then he tried to convert me to islam
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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