they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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