I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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