you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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