You smell like stripper and shame
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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