i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can't just leave with hair like that
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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