when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im six kinds of drunk right now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
