It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nutella sex= disaster
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
