..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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