My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
