This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
