my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize