I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
