I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I could make wine with my vomit
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
