Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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