Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
