I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
