rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
