I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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