I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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