he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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